The online fonds |
While completing my graduate degree in archival studies, I felt an urge to collect my personal online fonds for the curious. In essence, everything I post here is imbued with meaning for me. You are what you consume; what is past is prologue, etc. I can be reached at attemptress (at) gmail dot com. |
During my yearly performance appraisal, my supervisor carefully told me I was intensely emotional, albeit not unprofessional. (This was related to my feelings of being overwhelmed by my mother’s illness.) He couched it in a way to make sure he wasn’t saying it was bad.
I know it’s not bad. It’s who I am. I express it mainly through music; DJing, mix tapes, sharing what is beautiful. If I don’t, it spills out in weird and uncontrolled ways.
The main reason I see a therapist is to learn and discuss emotional maturity and what that entails. When I first started seeing her it was because all of my defenses and walls had come crumbling down. I no longer had any illusion of control. I was a mess.
Lately I realized I’m still kind of messy (who isn’t?) but I’m far more grounded in me, what’s real, and what I still want to do and become. It reminds me of a line from a Fiona Apple song (see title) my friend Kevin once quoted: It’s a mess, but it’s working.
